We’re All Different

Three Evidence-Informed Strategies to Help Children Cope with a Disability

Vanessa looked sad when she met up with her friend, Jessie, after school. Jessie asked her what was wrong. Vanessa told her that two kids made fun of her leg braces during lunch. They called her names and laughed at the way she walked. Jessie gave her friend a hug and told her to ignore those other children.

As the adults who care for a child with different abilities, what can we do or say when they ask, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I different?”

1. Acknowledge their strengths and challenges.

We can acknowledge challenges the child faces, while also telling them they are a capable person with a great deal to offer the world.

We can also remind them that everyone has different strengths and challenges – that they are not alone in their situation. I’ve told children about my own disabilities, and this comforts them to know that a challenge can be overcome, and that people can succeed in life despite being less than perfect (Wehmeyer & Zhao, 2020).

2. Invite Child to Ask Questions.

A child’s concerns about their disability will undoubtedly change over time. However, they won’t ask questions if they think it’s too upsetting for you to answer, and they’ll avoid bringing up the subject if they think people will minimize their concerns.

Make it clear that you’re happy to answer questions any time and make sure they know they can ask other people questions too—such as their doctor, teacher, parent or caregiver. There may be books, documentaries or YouTube videos that directly address some of their concerns. Help them to identify how they can get answers to their questions (Wehmeyer & Zhao, 2020). This approach is referred to as “autonomy supportive” by encouraging the child to find their own solutions and supports (Wehmeyer et al., 2017).

3. Have child write a script.

Help the child figure out how to handle conversations with others about their disability (Wehmeyer & Zhao, 2020). Classmates, neighborhood children—and perhaps even adults in the community—may ask a child questions about their disability. It may help to have them develop a script to respond to questions so that they feel more comfortable and empowered if they choose to respond.

Ask the child what they would like other people to know about their disability.  A child who can say, “I have Spina Bifida. That’s why I use a wheelchair sometimes,” may be able to stop a bully in their tracks. They also may be able to put an end to rumors others may spread about them.

Using role play can be a helpful way to practice how to respond to various questions or comments. If they are struggling to find the words, help them write a simple script.  Have them practice the script with you and ask whether it’s working for them when they use it with other people (Vanderbilt University, 2013).

Takeaway: We can help children cope with being “different” by helping them understand their disability and prepare a script they can use when asked what makes them different.

References

Vanderbilt University (2013). Promoting self-determination among students with disabilities. Retrieved from https://vkc.mc.vanderbilt.edu/assets/files/resources/psiSelfdetermination.pdf

Wehmeyer, M. L., Shogren, K. A., Little, T. D., & Lopez, S. J. (2017). Development of self-determination through the life-course. Springer.  https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-024-1042-6_6

Wehmeyer, M. L., & Zhao, Y. (2020). Teaching students to become self-determined learners. Association for Supervision & Curriculum Development.